Geometry class

It was a dark and stormy night (I told you so) actually it was the 1953-1954 school year when a buddy, Skip and I were both sophomores in high school.  We both had the misfortune to be assigned a geometry teacher that was fresh out of college.  Her name was Sarah .  She was about 4’-10” tall and weighed around 75 pounds.  She did not know diddley-squat about geometry.  The only thing I learned in that class that year was how to make a hook shot to the waste basket.  I got pretty good at that.  I think Skip learned even less than I because he was bored out of his skull .

The classroom (#16) doubled as the physics lab so there were lab tables at the front of the room.  Sarah Jean stood at the front of the tables to conduct class, probably because her voice would not carry from the front to the back of the room.  For some reason Skip sat (alone) at one of these tables directly across from Sarah Jean.  I cannot remember why he was at the table.  Perhaps it had something to do with deportment.  That leads to the incident that I shall now relate.

The physics class that met just before our geometry class had been studying resonance frequencies  and had left several tubes of varying lengths and diameters lying on the lab table directly between Skip and Sarah Jean.  I think that they had just not been stored as yet or perhaps the study was to continue the next day.   Skip played the coronet in the school band that year.  I cannot judge if he was good or bad as I have a tin ear. (Literally).  The ability to toot a tune on that brass instrument led to his downfall from the grace of Sarah Jean.

Skip picked up the end of one of the tubes and put it to his lips and gave a mighty blast  The result was one that would be the envy of any bull moose alive.  I think that Sarah Jean “browned” herself as she hopped in the air and shrieked.  The whole class dissolved in laughter.   I have told the story and now you must ask yourself, would Dal lie?

There was another incident involving Skip during senior year concerning a dirty recording in speech class but that is another story.  Skip ended up OK.  His career involved being a lead engineer at an aerospace company.

Virgin shortage

It is 86 degrees out today here in Naples, to hot to be out and about.  I decided to do some calculations on a question that has puzzled and vexed me for some time.  That problem concerns the number of available virgins to ISIS fighters if they get killed while slaying infidels.  Here are the numbers I came up with:

The population of Syria is 18.5 million.  The population of Iraq is 38 million.  That makes the total population 56.5 million between the two countries.  Let us assume that the population is evenly split between male and female.  That amounts to 28.25 million females between the two countries.  Now I must make an assumption that 1/3 of those females are 16 years old or younger.  (down to babes in arms).  That number would be 9.416 million girls.  Another assumption on my part is that 80% of those females are virgins.  (come up with a better percentage estimate if you wish).  That would lower the number 7.533 million available virgins.

Now things get a bit thornier.  The estimate of Isis fighters is 200,000 (Wikipedia).  If you divide 7.533 million virgins by 200,000 Isis fighters that means, there would only be 37.7 virgins available for each fighter should they all be slaughtered.  That means each fighter would get only slightly more than half of his allotted virgins.

The mullahs are aware of this problem an there is frantic activity to breed female goats to have female offspring.  Another possibility is to recycle used virgins.  Unfortunately this technology is still in the research stage.

THIS JUST IN.—Breaking news.  Anonymous sources have informed us that the Mullahs have partially solved the “virgin void” caused by so many Isis fighters having to claim the 72 virgins promised to them if they die fighting the infidels.  They have designated gay men as being “virgins”.  This partially solves the problem of fulfilling the promise of 72 virgins but also eliminates the problem of having to clean up the mess as a result of gay men being thrown off rooftops.  Progress in the recycling of used virgins is still ongoing as of this writing.