The Hapless Sperm

I have realized there is a whole new “group” out there that is being victimized and discriminated against by circumstances beyond its control.  That group is the male homo-sapiens sperm.  Consider that the female homo-sapiens releases one unfertilized egg per month.  The female has two fallopian tubes and that egg is released down alternate tubes each month.  Now the male sperm travels down BOTH of those tubes on its search for the egg. Alas, the many thousands of sperm that travel down the empty tube do not find an egg and are merciless condemned to an unfulfilled end.  There also exists a problem with the sperm that goes down the “right” track.  Only one of these many thousands of sperm gets to interact with the egg.  The others are left standing alone like many wallflowers at a high school dance.  Corrective action must be taken!!!!!

The answer lays, of course, in government intervention and new regulations concerning the discrimination leveled against the sperm.  There are several alternative solutions, the first of which would be to mandate that the female release one egg down each fallopian tube each month.  This would give all the sperm an equal “fighting” chance.  The second alternative would be to mandate that the female have more than one uterus. (Would that be uteri as in octopi, the plural of octopus?)   As in all government mandates and regulations there would be spare parts involved to assure redundancy in the operation system.  If only one uterus were provided, a switching mechanism would be required.  The biology of such a system would require an elaborate switching system. This part of the mandate will be left up to a “FAIRNESS TO SPERM” (FTS) committee to design.

The last and most logical system (from a government standpoint) would be to have two uteri for each fallopian tube.  This system would be known as “A PAIR AND A SPARE” (APAAS).  Exactly how this would work and what results would occur are not known but after all, “We have to pass the bill before we know what is in it”.  In my next essay I shall deal with the many thousands of sperm that are left out and discriminated against during the fertilization process.  I remain, with tongue firmly in cheek, Dal

 

Homeless

Homeless.

We built and lived in the same home for exactly 50 years.  No one had to tell us it was time to downsize, at 80 years old we knew it.  We put our house on the market and sold it at full price in four days. The realtor told us that the house being 50 years was not its best feature.  It was on a 2 acre wooded lot and had location, location, location.  

 Great you say but then we had to move.  No sweat, we had an estate sale, gave a lot of stuff to the kids and put the rest in storage.  We planned to move to our winter home in Naples, Florida until our new apartment was to be ready in April. Great planning, right?  THEN ALONG CAME HURRICANE IRMA.  Our home in Naples had minimal damage but the neighborhood was devastated. No utilities, downed trees, and some wrecked homes that had to be removed.

Our ace in the hole was our mobile home at the lake.  We moved there hoping to ride it out until the mess in Naples was cleaned up.  Then the mobile home park owner shut off the utilities because it was “end of season”.  It was then that we realized WE WERE HOMELESS.  No sweat, we just packed our suitcases and reminded our daughter that we had fed and clothed her for over 20 years, even putting her through college and it was payback time.

We are in the process of finishing up all the doctor appointments and then we will be off for the sunshine state.  Come to think of it, this whole episode would make a good soap opera story or maybe even a movie.  Someone would have to figure out how to add some sex and violence and perhaps even a few walking dead zombies.  Until then !!!!

The armadillo

School days

Today children we are going to have a combination Science and Composition class.  We will study the invasion of the nine banded armadillo and then write about what we learned.  This normally shy nocturnal creature has expanded its range from Florida as far north to just south of Nashville, Tn.  This is due to warmer weather (climate change bull crap coming at you) that has come upon us.  We are seeing many many of these poor unfortunate creatures lying at the side of the road along I-65, dead as doornails.   This is because they try to cross the road at night. (Don’t ask me, ask the chicken).  I want you children to imagine the following scenario: 

A couple and their children have been driving for 12 hours to get the children to a gulf beach for spring break and both are very tired.  All of a sudden there is a loud THUMP and the man almost loses control of the car.  The following conversation ensues:  HE.  What the XXXX was that?  SHE.  You just ran over a XXXXing armadillo.  HE.  A XXXXing what?  SHE.  You heard me, a XXXXing armadillo.  HE.  What is a XXXXing armadillo doing in Tennessee?  SHE.  Don’t ask me, it must be XXXXing climate change.  HE.  XXXX you and the climate change armadillo you rode in on.  “Needless to say, children, he slept that night with his pajama bottoms on.”  Your assignment is to add to the above exchange and express your opinions as to how we can eliminate climate change in order to save the armadillo.  Your essays are due the day after tomorrow.

 

OPINION ANALYZED

Opinion analyzed
An opinion is just an opinion until it is backed up by facts. Some readers consider the letters section of the Naples Daily News to be left-wing leaning; others think it is right wing.
One must analyze the content of the letters to the editor to make a valid determination. I have, therefore, made my own analysis of the letters section for the time of March 13 through March 18, 2017, concerning President Donald Trump. To be considered, the letter must mention Trump by name. The following breakdown is my opinion of the letters’ content:
March 13, two mildly anti-Trump letters; March 14, one anti-Trump letter; March 15, one anti-GOP cartoon and four anti-Trump letters; March 16, one pro-Trump and four anti-Trump letters; March 17, one pro-Trump and six anti-Trump letters; and March 18, one anti-administration cartoon, one pro-Trump and two anti-Trump letters.
I saw only one letter that was critical or disparaging of the former administration or any of the opposition party’s current leaders. I find it hard to believe this reflects the mood of the normally conservative Naples Daily News readers.
I would encourage any reader to make his or her own analysis of the letters content and then form an opinion.
As an afterthought, I would like to add that I have noticed there seems to be a 10-day lag between the time a letter is written (by dates provided in the letter) and the actual publication. Are letters reviewed by a third party before publication?
Dal Wolf, Naples

Two Walls

Two world shaping events occurred in August, 1961.  On the 13^th the East Germans built a wall between East and West Berlin.  I remember that geo-political event well because it caused my U.S. Army tour of duty to be extended by exactly 5 months and 11 days.  The lesser event, but equally important one, occurred nine days earlier in Hawaii on August 4^th.  On that day Barack Hussein Obama was born.  The second occurrence, 9 days before the building of the Berlin wall, is important because it too, will eventually lead to another wall.  This one will be located on our southern border and is the result of completely ignoring our fair immigration laws.

The first wall was built to keep people IN and politically oppressed.  The second wall will be built to keep people OUT and will assure that OUR nation remains a nation of laws and not a “catch-all” of people from all over the world.  Do not attempt to twist the prior sentence into something hateful.  It is true and is the result of fair laws developed over the years by our fairly elected political leaders.  Many other nations around the world, including Mexico, have much stricter immigration laws.  We have seen the results in Europe when national borders have been eliminated.  Immigration becomes chaotic.

Let us follow our existing laws, allow fair immigration, and keep our country safe from those that wish us harm or choose to ignore our local and national laws.  Dal Wolf, Naples