I watched the football game on Dish channel 154 last night.
The CURDS were playing the RUMS. What a sad excuse for a football
game. The Curds won by 6 points but did not score a touchdown.
That is the first time since that has happened to the Curds since 2005.
For the mathematically troubled, that is NINE years. It is important to
know that scoring in football is usually accomplished by making TOUCHDOWNS.
The Curds are apparently unfamiliar with this tactic. Usually only girls
in tight short and sports bras kick the ball over a goal line to score
points. This game is called SOCK-HER.
There are two ways to score touchdowns in football. One is
called “rushing”, the other is “passing”. In a pass play one player,
usually the “quarterback” throws the ball to a “receiver”. This receiver
is usually a “back” or an “end”. The receiver is either in the end zone
or attempts to get into the end zone. If the receiver is successful in getting
into the end zone he usually performs a ritual of some sort. This ritual
can vary but is usually only understood by the player. It can range from
a sort of dance to hurling oneself into the stands. This “touchdown” is
worth six points. The Curds are evidentially unaware of this fact since
they play like girls and only kick the ball.
The “rushing” play is more straightforward and is borderline
suicidal. It amounts to a player hurling his body into 2000 pounds of
opposing team flesh or running like a thief carrying a stolen watermelon around
the aforementioned mass of flesh. This “rush” is usually performed by a
“quarterback”, a “halfback”, a “fullback”, or a “tailback”. (The writer
has no idea of the difference ) After a successful touchdown via rushing there
is seldom a celebration of any sort as the ball carrier is happy to get out
alive.
As mentioned in detail above since the Curds are unfamiliar with
the scoring techniques in football, it would be wise to change the color of
their uniforms from red to pink and trade in their cleats for high
heels. Dal
