Big words - butcher a cow

 Sometimes a few simple words can replace several paragraphs of mumbo-jumbo.  The following is an example of how letters to the editor can be shortened, simplified and unneeded words eliminated.

As A youth during my second decade I resided on an expansive plantation midway between Chicago and Cleveland.  There was an annual rite performed between the autumnal equinox and winter solstice that usually involved a gathering of family and friends.  This rite required the dislocation of a selected bovine herbivore from its compatriots.  It was removed to a remote location for further operations.

The first element of the process was to render the selected bovine unconscious.  This was accomplished with a rapid discharge of high voltage administered to the temporal lobe.  The animal was then exsanguinated and eviscerated.  Its outer body covering was removed and placed aside for later processing.

After a period of time when the enthalpy and entropy were in the proper balance, and the ambient temperature at a correct level, the herbivore was dismembered and stored in a proper environment for further processing.

Translation:  We butchered a cow in the fall.

Dal Wolf  Naples

world politics

World Politics

Circa 1982 a friend and I were having a conversation about world politics.  He was an economist, bean counter and I was an engineer.  We both worked for a multinational corporation that employed close to 10,000 people in three plants in our area.  Knowing nothing about economic policy, I felt fully qualified to discuss the subject of trade with him.

His stand was that since Nixon had visited China, relations with that country would thaw and we would start to have business with the Chinese.  His theory was that we would try to raise the economic status of the Chinese and thus avoid conflict and lower the cold war tension and the possibilities for war.  After all, a person with a full belly and change in his pocket would be less belligerent and try to make more economic gains.   My theory was that he was full of condensed nonsense clear up to his eyebrows.

Since that time all three plants have been shuttered and the 10,000 jobs have disappeared and have gone to India, Mexico, and yes, China.  You can decide for yourself which of us was correct.

Dal Wolf, Naples

Snake in Naples

Snake in Naples.

Not having much to do this past week, I decided to lay new tile in the small bathroom. (Yes, we have two baths).  The first thing to do was remove the stool.  This amounted to draining, unhooking the water, and emptying the tank.  I then unbolted the stool and placed it in the shower stall and removed the bathroom door.   So far so good.  The next step was to remove the old tile.  Murphy’s Law came into play.  Of course there was a small portion of the flooring that needed to be replaced.  Having the time, I decided to remove and replace the whole floor with ¾ inch treated plywood.  Nothing but the best is a good rule to follow.

After the flooring was removed I had had enough for one day so I decided to call it quits until the next day.  Enter the supervisor of things bath related.  The supervisor decided that varmints of all kinds could find their way into the bathroom floor that was no longer there.  The supervisor decided that I should cover the floor with a tarp and blockade the door opening with the door I had removed.  No big deal so I complied.  Nothing larger than a small raccoon could now wiggle through the remaining openings.  Not a good thing to argue with the supervisor.  After the extra chores were completed I retired to “happy hour” since I was already late for that festive time of the day.  I planned to take the next day off and let my sore and skinned knees heal before returning to my now expanded project.  Silly me, you know the old saying “the best laid plans of mice and men”.

The next morning, right after my first cup of coffee, I heard a shriek from the kitchen that could only mean one thing, either a mouse or snake had been sighted somewhere in the vicinity.  I immediately sprung into action to see the cause.  It happened to be a small (Florida protected) black snake on the patio.  I was dispatched to rid the critter from the area.  Now put yourself in the snake’s position.  What would you do if you were being charged by a bellowing water buffalo wielding a 2 X 4?  That is correct; you would remove yourself from the area as fast as your legs could carry you.  Unfortunately, snakes do not have legs and the patio was slick from the morning dew.  The snake took off like a ruptured duck in a briar patch or, if you prefer, a scalded dog.  His lack of traction looked similar to a hot rodder burning rubber with bent rear wheels.  The snake made it to the safety of the grass, but I threw the 2 X 4 anyway just to make a good impression on the supervisor as she was peeking at the scene from the safety of the sliding glass door.  I thought that I had handled the situation in a macho manner and could let the case rest.  Silly me, that was not the situation.

As I reentered the house, I found the supervisor staring at the bathroom floor.  Being married to her for over 50 years I knew what that meant.  No rest for Dal today.  I didn’t say a word but started the job of getting the floor recovered with plywood.  That took all day.  Now my knees were really skinned up. (It is Florida and everyone wears shorts)  After the job was completed the supervisor came to inspect the job.  Did she say, “Good job” or even, “looks nice” You gotta be kidding.  She made sure that not even a bug smaller than a hibiscus beetle could get into the bathroom.  She then asked, “When are you going to put down the tile?”

I get no respect.        Dall