vacuum the floor

I had the opportunity this afternoon to supervise a weekly maintenance procedure performed on various parts of the household.  The maintenance equipment consisted of a negative pressure operating system powered by an electromotive force that was connected directly to the grid.  The equipment was mounted on a 4X2 chassis and movement was controlled by means of a wand connected directly to the aforementioned chassis.  The operator was very skilled in the operation of the high tech operating system but unfortunately had to stop periodically to move various obstructions in the path of the implements planned route.  I even had the opportunity of participating in the procedure by the movement of my lower extremities to preclude the hindering of the planned path of operation.  Yes, I watched my wife vacuum the floor.  Remember, “If you cannot dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull-crap”.  We shall next discuss the merits of the radio controlled robot system.   Dal

Problems encountered with hearing

Problems encounter with hearing.

Your ears are simply two appendages fastened to the side of your head.  Each has an opening that ultimately leads to your brain.  The ear flaps serve no other purpose than to hold your glasses in place.  If you wear contacts, you could have your ear flaps removed to cut down air resistance when swinging a golf club.  Some of the following may be old hat to many people but is part of the greater story

That hole in the center of the outer ear leads to the ear drum which catches sound vibrations from air waves.  Those vibrations are transferred to the inner ear where small nerves transform them into electrical pulses that the brain can understand and interpret.  Your brain is then, in effect, your hearing organ.  When the small nerve hairs (cilia) are damaged your ear loses its ability to transmit those electrical pulses.  The nerve hairs vary in length.  The shorter ones carry the higher frequencies and are the first to be damaged, resulting in high frequency loss of hearing.  The longer nerves carry the lower frequencies and are the last to be lost.

Hearing loss tends to sneak up on you like a thief in the dark.  My own started with a shirt pocket full of “dud” firecrackers when I was 14 years old in 1952.  I got my first hearing aid 25 years later.  I have no idea how much “book learning” I lost in school but it might contribute to the fact that I was in the “slow lane” sometimes in school.  My consolation is that Beethoven and Edison were both deaf so I am in good company.

Most people that have a slow progressive hearing loss may not realize it but they become excellent speech readers.  (Lip reading is a misnomer)  Speech reading involves amplitude of voice, facial expressions and tone as well as the position of the lips.  Try saying the words “eagle” and “beagle”.  You will notice that the only difference is a slight pop of the lips on the word “beagle”.  Excellent speech readers can pick this up.

There several things you can do to help someone that is hearing impaired.  First, face the person and do not obscure your mouth or any other part of your face.  Speak distinctly and not fast or slow.  If you wear a mustache, for God’s sake, shave it off.

The person that has a hearing problem should not apologize for not being able to hear.  You should not say, “I am sorry but I did not hear you”.  Rather say, “Say it again”.  See how that rolls across your tongue and gets the message across.  After about the third request say, “Dammit, speak English”.  Most importantly, it is not your fault for not being able to hear, it is the speakers problem for the lack of making themselves understood.  You must be offensive, not defensive. Never, never apologize for not being able to hear something unless there is a valid reason such as background noise.

Another problem for the hearing impaired is crowds.  If more than three people are talking it is almost impossible to tune in on one person and understand what is being said.  That is when you just smile and nod.  A week ago Connie and I met two friends at a small diner that serves good food.  The first 15 minutes were ok but then the thundering lunch herd came in to eat.  I didn’t understand a word being said till the thundering herd stampeded out the door a half hour later.  If you do happen to understand what is being said, your brain is usually a day late and a dollar short.  By the time you have formulated a response, the subject has changed.  Since you rarely are able to add to the conversation, people tend to “talk over” you when you do try to add something.  It happens all the time.

Many audiologists advertise their product as being “unidirectional” That is impossible unless the aid has three microphones.  The sound is picked up in a forward direction with a BTE (behind the ear) with lesser amounts picked up to the side and rear.  The person wearing the aid often cannot distinguish the direction of the sound.  The ITC (in the canal) aid is better at direction because it has the outer ear to pick up and funnel sound.  Basically the aid amplifies sound.  It is the frequency tuning that makes the difference.  With my first ITC hearing aid I knew the low frequencies were being over amplified because I could hear a car turn the corner 4/10 of a mile from our house.  I went back to the audiologist and he took a high speed grinder and made the sound entrance opening cone shaped instead of a straight drilled hole.  It quieted the sound down.  It was an analog aid, not a digital aid.    Rocket science it is called.

The last thing you should understand is price.  Hearing aids are a rip off.  The ear mold costs about 50 bucks.  That is not bad.  The mold is shipped to the vendor along with a frequency chart from your ear hearing test..  He makes a plastic replica by dunking the mold in plaster. If he screws up the plaster cast, he simply molds another one.  He uses a high speed drill to hollow out the cavity of the new earpiece.  He then assembles OFF THE SHELF items.  These include the power source bracket, a tunable amplifier and a microphone.  He then cements a plastic cap to the aid and tunes it according to the frequency chart sent along with the ear mold. The time frame is 14 hours between receipt and shipping.  Most of that time is cure time for the plastic parts. (Source: Modern Marvels) The aid should cost no more than a cheap transistor radio.  Hearing aid dispensers always tout the fact that their aid is “discreet” and “unseen”.  That is a lot of crap.  If you really want to hear you would wear a backpack for help.  Enough ranting for now.

 

Full body garment

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK…?

 

I fail to see why anyone gets so excited about a person wearing a full body covering garment, although I must admit that you cannot tell if it is a man, a woman or a terrorist.  It could even be Bruce Jenner.  We should not be alarmed that the body covering could conceal a knife or a gun or even a bomb.  After all we must realize that the person is simply trying to express “who they are” and we should be respectful of that. We should not be upset that they want to be a part of our government process and influence the way we live.  After all, this is America and we believe in diversity.  The fact they express their hatred of Jews and Catholics should not alarm us.  It is part of their culture to hate certain groups although they have been known to murder and burn those that they disagree with.  We must be tolerant of their views. 

 

Obamacare again

Connie and I went to Wal-Mart today to pick up a prescription and buy some last minute stocking stuffers.  While waiting for the prescription to be filled I decided to again check my blood pressure.  You may remember the problem I had the last time with the new testing equipment and its digital display.  It was no better this time.  I placed my arm in the BP cuff and pushed the start button.  The same thing that happened the last time happened again.  The thing tried to get me to sign up for Obamacare!!!  This time you could tell the system was in a state of desperation.  It promised me that if I signed up at once for the cheapest plan that I would get a “partridge in a pear tree” as a bonus..

Since I could sense the machines desperation since this was the last day (in the original plan) to sign up.  I decided to attempt to negotiate.  I countered, asking for ten Lords-a-leaping and eight maids-a-milking at the very least.  The display blinked a couple of times and made some counter offers.  We finally agreed that I would get three French hens and two turtle doves along with the partridge in a pear tree if I enrolled right now.  So I signed up.

The digital display again blinked a couple of times and then spelled out that since I had successfully signed up for Obama care I was ELIGIBLE to enter a lottery for the three French hens, the doves and the partridge after I had run up the $10,000 deductable that my plan called for..  I tried to object but the screen flashed a message that read,

 “If you like this crap, you can keep this crap”. 

 Then the system went down.

Have a Merry Christmas and a happy and healthy new year. 

How to write a letter to the editor

How in God’s green earth can you write a meaningful, sensible letter to the editor?  The answer is really very simple.  All you have to do is follow a few easy rules.  Those rules will be explained below.

The first thing you have to do is get the reader’s immediate attention.  You can do this by using what is called a H.H.C.  (That stands for Ho-Hum-Crasher)  The H.H.C. must be followed by a W.B.T.U.  (That stands for Why Bring That Up)  The W.B.T.U. tells the reader why you used the H.H.C. in the first place. It was to get his attention, and how it is related to the subject matter you intend to put forth.  I hope the use of the acronyms is not confusing.  It is not meant to be.

After you have gotten the reader’s attention and told him the subject, you must give solid fact based information to back up your argument.  This information is called F.I.’s (For Instance)  The number of F.I.’s should be at least three, but usually not more than five as you do not want to  bore the reader to death.  Each F.I. should be such that the reader can easily verify the information.  An Opinion based F.I. is just that, and can be dismissed by someone that disagrees with the statement.  If you use a fact based F.I., the reader can easily research the matter through simple logic or some simple research.

After you have presented your F.I.’s, you then use a S.W. (So What) to summarize your argument.  This S.W. should be precise and not long winded.  You do not want to confuse the reader. You want him to understand why you wrote the article in the first place.

Now, assuming that you have completed this article, please reread it and see if I followed my own rules.

Dal Wolf.  Naples and   “Up North”

Obamacare -- Again

Connie and I went to Wal-Mart today to pick up a prescription and buy some last minute stocking stuffers.  While waiting for the prescription to be filled I decided to again check my blood pressure.  You may remember the problem I had the last time with the new testing equipment and its digital display.  It was no better this time.  I placed my arm in the BP cuff and pushed the start button.  The same thing that happened the last time happened again.  The machine tried to get me to sign up for Obamacare!!!  This time you could tell the system was in a state of desperation.  It promised me that if I signed up at once for the cheapest plan that I would get a “partridge in a pear tree” as a bonus..

Since I could sense the machines desperation since this was the last day (in the original plan) to sign up.  I decided to attempt to negotiate.  I countered, asking for ten Lords-a-leaping and eight maids-a-milking at the very least.  The display blinked a couple of times and made some counter offers.  We finally agreed that I would get three French hens and two turtle doves along with the partridge in a pear tree if I enrolled right now.  So I signed up.

The digital display again blinked a couple of times and then spelled out that since I had successfully signed up for Obama care I was ELIGIBLE to enter a lottery for the three French hens, the doves and the partridge after I had run up the $10,000 deductable that my plan called for..  I tried to object but the screen flashed a message that read,

“If you like this crap, you can keep this crap”.            Then the system went down.

Have a Merry Christmas and a happy and healthy new year. 

Foot Ball by Old Ladies

I watched the football game on Dish channel 154 last night.  The CURDS were playing the RUMS.  What a sad excuse for a football game.  The Curds won by 6 points but did not score a touchdown.  That is the first time since that has happened to the Curds since 2005.  For the mathematically troubled, that is NINE years. It is important to know that scoring in football is usually accomplished by making TOUCHDOWNS.  The Curds are apparently unfamiliar with this tactic.  Usually only girls in tight short and sports bras kick the ball over a goal line to score points.  This game is called SOCK-HER.

There are two ways to score touchdowns in football.  One is called “rushing”, the other is “passing”.  In a pass play one player, usually the “quarterback” throws the ball to a “receiver”.  This receiver is usually a “back” or an “end”.  The receiver is either in the end zone or attempts to get into the end zone. If the receiver is successful in getting into the end zone he usually performs a ritual of some sort.  This ritual can vary but is usually only understood by the player.  It can range from a sort of dance to hurling oneself into the stands.  This “touchdown” is worth six points.  The Curds are evidentially unaware of this fact since they  play like girls and only kick the ball.

The “rushing” play is more straightforward and is borderline suicidal.  It amounts to a player hurling his body into 2000 pounds of opposing team flesh or running like a thief carrying a stolen watermelon around the aforementioned mass of flesh. This “rush” is usually performed by a “quarterback”, a “halfback”, a “fullback”, or a “tailback”.  (The writer has no idea of the difference ) After a successful touchdown via rushing there is seldom a celebration of any sort as the ball carrier is happy to get out alive.

As mentioned in detail above since the Curds are unfamiliar with the scoring techniques in football, it would be wise to change the color of their uniforms from red to pink and trade in their cleats for high heels.   Dal