KICK THE CAN

Kick the can

Last night I took the garbage can and the recycling bin out to the end of my driveway as is my usual Sunday evening custom.  As I turned to go back to the house, I saw a metal soup can (Campbell’s Tomato, 10 ¾ oz, with pull tab top) lying on top of the recycling bin.  Those of you that know me are aware that I have always been ready to do my part for the country.  I did what any patriot would do; I took the can from the recycling bin, placed it in the road and kicked it.  It felt so good to be doing my part that I kicked it again.  My neighbor saw me and called to his wife, “that crazy damned Wolf is at it again”.  I paid him no heed.  After kicking the can down the road for two blocks, I felt much better.  I knew that I had done my part to alleviate the budget crisis.

 

With tongue firmly in cheek.  Dal

YOU KNOW YOU ARE GETTING OLD --- WHEN

                           YOU KNOW YOU ARE GETTING OLD WHEN:

The barn you watched being built when you were a little kid was recently torn down

Your son is getting bald

You look forward to your afternoon nap

You see a mother and her 20 something daughter on the beach and you check out the mother first

Your WIFE is getting wrinkles

Walking out to get the mail counts as part of your daily exercise regimen

Golf makes you tired

You cannot imagine anyone getting up at 6 AM to go to work

Your Saturday night pinochle group keeps “losing” players

Your favorite place at the pool is the hot tub

All your friends have hearing aids too

You are older than most of the trees in your yard

Your scalp is turning pink

You have these funny brown spots on your hands

The cars that used to make you salivate as a teenager can only be found at car shows

All automobiles today look alike

And finally, you sit at the computer and cannot think of more things to add to your list,    DAL

 

THE PEACOCK

The peacock

 

I thought that I had written about the peacock before, but I found no mention of it in my previous blogs – so here it is.

When I was a kid we lived on a small “hobby farm”.  It was my dad’s hobby, but I did all the shitty work.  We had many “exotic” animals, amongst them was a peacock and his mate, a peahen.  The peacock was a blue iridescent color with many paisley designs in his feathers.  He would often spread his tail feathers and admire himself.

  Once, when I was showing a high school friend the peacocks, I happened to notice that when his tail feathers were fanned out, his rectum tended to turn wrong side out and protrude about an inch and a half.  What would any 16-year-old kid do?  If you said that a normal person would just walk away, you must realize that I am NOT a normal person.  I snuck up behind the peacock and stuck my forefinger straight up his rectum.  I guess I had not thought through what the peacock’s reaction would be.

  The peacock let out a loud squawk and leaped about 10 feet.  A peacock is mostly feathers so leaping that far was an easy feat.  He hit the ground running.  I was scared that he would escape his pen, so I started to run after him.  My buddy joined the chase.  You have no idea how fast a peacock can run and then fly.  The chase was hopeless, but the peacock kept on running.  My buddy wisely left me to my fate.

  I wisely made no mention of the “poking affair” to my dad or mom.  Problem is the peacock told them.  It was raining like the devil and the peacock was back in the small woods behind the house.  He started to call for his mate and my mom heard him.  She went looking for him and found him on a tree limb about 6 feet off the ground.  He was soaked and could not fly.  Mom got a small step stool and was able to grab the peacock’s leg.  Then they both fell to the ground.  Mom brought him back to the house and threw him into the coop. She was as mad as a wet hen, just the same as the peacock.

  I won’t go into the tale of the punishment I received.  Let’s just say it was a lesson well learned.  A short time later dad got rid of the peacock.  I have never poked a peacock in the ass since then.

Leaving Egypt.

You may recall that I wrote a story some time back about Moses and the Jews leaving Egypt and the trials and tribulations they suffered during their time of enslavement in Egypt. But there is more to the story. So here we go:

 

  The whole thing started in western Libya when a camel train with 100 tons of bat guano fertilizer was derailed in the middle of the Sahara. Then a freighter load of herbicides, pesticides and hybrid seed got stranded in Alexandria Egypt because it ran out of bunker oil. The boat was raided by a bunch of mafia thugs and the grain carted off to Sicily to make whiskey.  The bunker oil needed to get the boat under way could not be imported from Russia because of Putin’s war.

  The Egyptians planted what seed they had left over from the last year’s harvest.  It was not a hybrid seed, so, combined with the lack of the bat guano fertilizer, the output was small, and the people were starving.  The bugs and weeds were overtaking everything because of the lack of chemical control.  To top that all off a red dye factory upstream in Ethiopia on the Nile suffered a catastrophic leak in a storage tank and the Nile turned red.  That dye was meant to be used to give the Burka worn by all Muslim women in Egypt its distinctive red color.  The factory never recovered and since that time the standard burka has been dyed black

  The P-Man was at his wits end and the soldiers and the people were restless.  The P-man gave the soldiers the day off, so they took their horses for a swim in the Red Sea.  They did not bother to take along any life vests and We all know how that turned out.  After the swimming debacle the P-Man canceled plans for a Labor day holiday for the citizens. 

There were also several boat loads of granite being shipped from Vermont that were meant to finish off the top of the Great Pyramid. Those boats were torpedoed by a German U-boat in the Atlantic just off the Iberian Peninsula. Fortunately, many of the sailors were rescued by the Free French resistance fighters.

I remain, With tongue firmly in cheek,  Dal               There is still much more to the story

Transgender youth

I got to thinking about transgender children today and thought back to my early childhood when I was in the first grade of elementary school.  There were eleven of us in the class, 3 boys and 8 girls.  The girls always seemed to be having fun while we boys just didn’t socialize with each other.  The reason was that I was the extrovert of the three.  One other boy was an only child and was sort of shy.  The third fellow was borderline special needs and NO ONE associated with him.  Since I talked all the time the only kids to talk to were girls.  We all had a lot of fun together as most kids do.  Sex was not an issue then because most of us had not been informed of the birds and the bees and certainly had no sexual attraction to each other at that tender age.

  In today's world some adult “woke” teacher might look at me and say, “aha he identifies as a girl”.  And things would go downhill from there

Conspiricy theroies

I started out the day with my usual ten minutes vigorous workout in the gym.  Next, I took a casual ride around the park in my golf cart.  I stopped by the pool to check out the college girls on spring break.  There were only two there.  The fat one in the flesh- colored thong was just plain unattractive.  The one with buck teeth and a goiter was no better.

  I went back home, ate my lunch and watched TV for a while.  The only thing on TV was the continuing rehash of Ukraine.  This time they started showing bodies in the street.  The next item was the latest about the slapping incident at the Oscars. I didn’t bother to watch the “Naked and afraid “show because it was a repeat and I had seen all of those same bare butts before.  So, I took a nap. After my nap I decided It was too hot to go outside to play.  There was nothing left to do so I decided to explore a conspiracy theory.        Here we go.

The newspapers are continuing to ramp up the story about the foibles of Hunter Biden.  In my opinion, if the papers are starting to talk about it, legal indictments must be on the way. These indictments may include Joe as an “unindicted conspirator”.  If so, Joe will be under considerable political pressure.  He will have two options.  He can either resign the office of POTUS now or wait until after the midterms to be impeached by a republican house and senate.  My guess is that he will resign.  Comma Harris will be smart enough (believe it or not) to realize that taking over after Joe would be her downfall.  She will also resign stating that, “Joe and I are a team”.  That leaves Nancy Pelosi next in line.  Nancy will decline the job saying that her position of running the house and continuing to implement the Biden “bring back better” plan is too important to the country to allow someone else to oversee the plan.  It would also prevent her from returning to San Francisco each weekend to supervise the hosing down of the homeless poop from the sidewalk outside her walled estate.

  Next in line for the presidency is Patrick Leahy, President pro tempore of the United States Senate.  He will accept the job stating that his service will be as a caretaker ONLY and that he will not run for president in 2024 since he is currently 82 years old. He will briefly consider mayor Pete for the job of VP, but the democrat hierarchy will decide that going back to South Bend and running for mayor again is a much more important position for the party.  Leahy will then appoint as his vice president, WAIT FOR IT --------- HILLERY CLINTON.

  I told you it was too hot to go out and play.

 

Life begins at conception

This was written by a late friend.  I have given him credit at the end.

As far as observable science is concerned, human life begins at conception.”

For the moment, let’s ignore the above and just agree on the following:

1. Something is created at conception when a sperm unites with an egg. The Something never existed before the conception.
2. The Something undergoes a continuous development process after conception. The development is slow & methodical. Unless you’re actually counting molecules in the Something, it is virtually impossible to detect the incremental changes from day to day. The physical development continues for roughly 20 years. The mental development continues longer.
3. There is, at the 9 month point, a transition wherein the development environment changes from inside-the-womb to outside-the-womb. Some new bodily functions start, like breathing air. The physiology of the Something is not changed by the birth, it just gets oxygen & food by different processes.

Suppose now we ask, “When, in this continuous development process, does this Something become a human life and become entitled to the unalienable Right to Life?” Suppose we demand that this question be answered by science using whatever diagnostic tools that are available to the scientists, which tools are, of course, continually undergoing development & improvement themselves. Suppose the scientists come up with an answer that life begins X days after conception. Now, the skeptic asks, “How about X+1 days? After all, your instruments cannot see any change from day X to day X+1 so you have no real basis for choosing X. Furthermore, I do not accept your decision making criterion because it is arbitrary and without rationale.” So, the scientists acquiesce and agree that X+1 is acceptable. Another skeptic comes along and lobbies for X+2 days using similar arguments. With enough skeptics we are soon at the 20 year point.

So, you see there really is no scientific answer other than to say that the Something was a human life at the moment of conception. [As a scientist, I personally have no reservations about this conclusion.] Hence, scientifically speaking, an abortion is the taking of an (innocent) human life. The deliberate and premeditated taking of a human life, other than as a punishment by government for a capital crime, is MURDER, plain & simple. You can talk yourself into believing whatever you want, as do the mothers who voluntarily seek & obtain 1.2 million abortions per year in America. But, as for me, I’ll take X=0. Science & logic cannot justify any other conclusion.

Of course, if one believes that there is no unalienable Right to Life, or that “government” has the authority to determine who deserves such a right and when they deserve it (aside from capital punishment), then all bets are off, and we’ve entered a brave new world. 

    Dale Arthur Holmes. Pahrump, Nevada