toilet paper problem

Toilet Tissue

A good friend of mine alerted me to the fact that the width of toilet tissue has, in the recent past, been drastically narrowed.  Yes, I know, I have too much time on my hands, but it is cold (57 degrees) here so what better things do I have to do except annoy everyone.   I verified this upsetting news by inspecting my own tissue holder.  I can unequivocally state that either the width of the roll has shrunk or the tissue holder has grown in width.  I think the former is the most natural choice.

Those of you that have watched Modern Marvels know how the tissue is manufactured.  For those of you, who have been so unfortunate as to have missed this important process, let me expound.  The wood pulp that is used is first made into slurry.  It is then fed through two giant rollers, the water is squeezed out and the tissue is then dried and rolled onto huge spools.  These spools are then transported to a large slitter that uses very sharp opposing circular knives to slice the tissue into the desired width.  It is very simple to adjust the width of the knives by using a different width spacer.  So far, so good but beware what is next.

In the motor industry giant 10,000 pounds of rolled steel was, in the past, slit in the above described manner to produce thin strips of coiled steel that could later be punched in rotor and stator punchings to produce laminated cores.  Hold on for a minute and I will get to the point.

Somewhere along the line some genius figured out that if you advanced adjoining strips of strip steel by one half punching you could “nest” the laminations and save about 20% in material.   To do so required what is, in the industry, called a “zig-zag” die. This die was then put into place and the slitter eliminated.  OK, where is this going?

Beware, Beware.  What is coming next is toilet tissue produced in the above manner.  The result will be small round pieces of tissue joined together by a small scrap bridge of tissue, or tissue stored in a box much like Kleenex (Reg. tm) is today.  Regardless, you can expect to pay more for less.    Have I bored you sufficiently?

Dal