Chinese virus and Walmart

I have been cooped up for over a week due to a self-imposed exile caused by the Chinese virus.  That has given my creative mind (some say warped) a chance to tell a true story.  ------- Honest.  I felt the need to get out in the world and see if anything had changed.  I went to the local Walmart to pick up a can of shaving cream.  As I entered the aisle where the shaving cream was located, I noticed a large throng of people milling around at the other end of the aisle.  I asked a reliable source, the stranger standing next to me, what in the world was going on.  He informed me that there was a “run” on condoms and people were stocking up for the “duration”

That seemed a bit strange to me and asked if he had any more information.  He said that he had heard from a good friend of his cousin that there would soon be a shortage of condoms because of a lack of the raw material for the manufacture of condoms, latex.  Naturally I pressed him for more information.  He said that rubber gloves used in hospitals would cause diversion of the latex stocks to the glove making process.  As soon as the warehouse supply of condoms was exhausted, there would be none manufactured for the foreseeable future.

 That sort of bothered me because the small (pun intended) condom maker would be put out of business whereas the large manufacturer (another pun) would be able to weather the storm.  I could see the need for a bailout for the small guy in the future.

I then turned my attention of the “shoppers”.  It was a mixed group of young, middle aged, and even one grandmotherly woman with a large handbag.  She was swinging her bag randomly and knocking other condom shoppers out of the way. She emerged from the crowd happily carrying a package of Trojans and her handbag in tatters.  My own curiosity and at the urging of my newfound friend, I asked her why she needed the Trojans. She said that she had heard her unmarried granddaughter say that Trojans were the best and that she used them all the time.  She thought the Trojans would make a good Christmas stocking stuffer.  I had to agree with her.  It would probably surprise everyone.

My newfound friend opined that all might not be as bleak as it first appeared.  There were likely to be “accidents” along the way.  This would provide 5 to 6 months of worry-free spare time.  After that time the small manufacturer might be back in business.

With the condom problem solved I headed for the checkout counter to pay for my shaving cream (Burma shave) and then be on my way out. Then I passed the lingerie display.  Then it hit me. There was also a shortage in face masks.  I quickly realized that a 38 D cup when twisted would serve as a perfect double filter face mask.  It could also “lift and separate”.

Time to go home and solve some other problems facing mankind.