Cure for the "German Goiter"

Several years ago I wrote a satirical article on the "German Goiter".  I cannot remember if I posted the following and have no record of it in my files. Please excuse me if it is a repeat.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have received much positive correspondence on my last epistle about the German goiter from my adoring fans.  I shall, therefore, update you on the progress being made by yours truly.

The first good news is that I did get a grant from the “Green Energy lobby”.  The reasons are as follows:  The diet used to cure the malady is mostly green.  Things like grass, tree leaves, pond scum and yes, even the “Musgos” (must go in the garbage) from over ripe refrigerator items.  Most are not green unless mildew has set in but you are guaranteed that you will not over eat such items. Not only is the diet green but also cheap.

Another sure-fire way to lose weight is the “cabbage soup diet.”  It consists of cabbage boiled in water.  Nothing else.  No seasoning, no thickening agent.  Nothing.  The good part is that you are allowed to eat as much as you wish.  The bad part is that you can’t stand the stuff.

After you are on the diet for three days, you are allowed to eat several pieces of carrot and celery.  Connie and I both tried the diet at the same time.  We almost came to blows over the carrots and celery.  After a week you were allowed to eat one small baked potato.  You have no idea how heavenly a plain baked potato can taste until you have been on the cabbage soup diet for a week.  On a serious note you become slightly aware of what it is to be really hungry.  It makes you wonder how many people in the world would fight to have that cabbage soup that you cannot stand. After the baked potato both Connie and I decided that the cabbage soup diet was not for us.

On a non-related subject; my daughter gave me the devil for using the term “German” when referring to the condition.  She teaches diversity classes and let me know that you NEVER use ethnic descriptions in written matter that might be read by those that could be insulted.  Also out are fat, thin, tall, short, curly haired, reference to an accent and xxxx.  The list goes on and on.  It just about leaves me with “Hey You” when addressing someone