The Hapless Sperm

I have realized there is a whole new “group” out there that is being victimized and discriminated against by circumstances beyond its control.  That group is the male homo-sapiens sperm.  Consider that the female homo-sapiens releases one unfertilized egg per month.  The female has two fallopian tubes and that egg is released down alternate tubes each month.  Now the male sperm travels down BOTH of those tubes on its search for the egg. Alas, the many thousands of sperm that travel down the empty tube do not find an egg and are merciless condemned to an unfulfilled end.  There also exists a problem with the sperm that goes down the “right” track.  Only one of these many thousands of sperm gets to interact with the egg.  The others are left standing alone like many wallflowers at a high school dance.  Corrective action must be taken!!!!!

The answer lays, of course, in government intervention and new regulations concerning the discrimination leveled against the sperm.  There are several alternative solutions, the first of which would be to mandate that the female release one egg down each fallopian tube each month.  This would give all the sperm an equal “fighting” chance.  The second alternative would be to mandate that the female have more than one uterus. (Would that be uteri as in octopi, the plural of octopus?)   As in all government mandates and regulations there would be spare parts involved to assure redundancy in the operation system.  If only one uterus were provided, a switching mechanism would be required.  The biology of such a system would require an elaborate switching system. This part of the mandate will be left up to a “FAIRNESS TO SPERM” (FTS) committee to design.

The last and most logical system (from a government standpoint) would be to have two uteri for each fallopian tube.  This system would be known as “A PAIR AND A SPARE” (APAAS).  Exactly how this would work and what results would occur are not known but after all, “We have to pass the bill before we know what is in it”.  In my next essay I shall deal with the many thousands of sperm that are left out and discriminated against during the fertilization process.  I remain, with tongue firmly in cheek, Dal