The tooth fairy (person)

Believe it or not at my advanced age, I lost a baby tooth last week.  Being a true believer in the Tooth Fairy, I placed it under my pillow fully expecting the customary quarter the next morning.  Imagine my surprise when I found not only a $20 bill but a full set of dentures.  Puzzled I called on the Tooth Fairy for an explanation.  The Tooth Person (politically correct, you know) appeared driving a government issued limo.  I asked why I had been given all this “stuff” when I only expected a quarter.  The Tooth Fairy (person) looked at me like I was from the dark ages and said, “This is our policy now that we have a benevolent health care government in Washington”.  “But”, I protested, “I did not need the full set of dentures and furthermore they looked as though they had been used and cannot possibly fit me.”  The Tooth Person looked at me with a pained expression and said, “We took them away from that Rich Guy down the street.”  “He can afford to buy a new set and this is the way it is done now”

All more the puzzled I asked,” Don’t dentures cost a lot and since government rationing went into effect won’t he will have to wait six (6) months before he can get a dental appointment”.  “How is he going to get by in the meantime?”  Now the Tooth Person was running out of patience and explained, “He can get government issued soft cheese in the void between workable dentures”. “It’s all part of the income redistribution, you know”.

Frustrated, I wailed, “I have a $20 bill that I don’t need, an unworkable set of new teeth that I cannot possibly use unless I have the rest of my teeth removed, and the guy down the street has no teeth”. “How is that fair”?  “Who said it was meant to be fair snarled the Tooth Person”?  “We can set you up with that appointment in six months to have your teeth pulled so that you can wear the non-fitting dentures we left you and can then set you up with another appointment in another six months to have an impression for a new set of teeth”. “Six months after that you can expect to get your new teeth”.  “That is not bad at all for our new system”.

Now at my wits end I wailed, “Can’t I just have my old tooth back”?  “Sorry”, said the tooth person. “No returns”. “We had to hire an additional 10,000 additional Teeth People (fairies) just to handle the current backlog”.

With tongue firmly in cheek, (and minus a tooth) Dal