German Goiter

There seems to be a real problem in Florida called the “German Goiter”.  This is not the type of goiter that affects the thyroid gland because of a lack of iodine.  Its impact is around the waist line and is caused by the consumption of alcohol, usually in the form of copious amounts of a substance known as “beer”.  The outward results of this affliction are very visible.  In mild cases it causes a bulge around the middle that looks much like a deflated volleyball.  It pokes out but does not cover the belt buckle.  In more serious cases it resembles a half inflated basketball and tends to hang over the belt buckle.  In very serious cases it gives the appearance of someone trying to smuggle a beach ball under his shirt.  In this case the belt buckle is again exposed with equal amounts of the “beach ball” above and below the belt.

There is a companion problem associated with the German Goiter.  This one affects an area just south of the goiter in an area commonly known as the “gluteus maximums”.   This problem gives the appearance of someone again smuggling recreation items.  In this case it looks much like two soccer balls that tend to wobble in opposition to each other.

The exact cause of the smuggled soccer balls is still unclear but it is thought to be associated with the three main food groups; i.e., Pizza, big Macs, and French fries.

I am in the process of further research and will forward my findings as soon as I can get further funding.  I am hoping that I can obtain money from the “cap and trade” programs as well as the “cash for clunkers operation.” I have also made inquiries to the “green energy lobby” about any stray cash that might just be laying around.

Till then.  Dal